Let me just say the back end of this week has been a struuuugggllleeeeee!
I think i used up all of my happy.
So my business, Critter Care Sheffield, is on the go. I’m insured, registered as self employed and my fiance’s brother-in-law has kindly agreed to create a logo for me.
It’s amazing what you can do in a week when you put your mind to it and you’re having an up mood swing!
Right now i’m exhausted but wide awake from the gingerbread latte i had 2 hours ago, sat at home by myself watching Nothing to Declare repeats and considering attacking the mint ice cream i have stashed in the freezer.
As far as moods go, this certainly isn’t the worst. Plus i know a big factor for me being slightly depressed is due to money stresses (which are now resolved) and several nights of poor sleep (thanks to working Code last night and nonstop sciatica).
All i’ve wanted to do is write, but despite technically having plenty to write about, i haven’t known where to begin!
Unfortunately what tends to happen when i have writers block for a while is that when i eventually do sit down to put my thoughts on paper (or laptop in this case), it just comes out in one big fast ramble like this. Not the helpful, educational or inspirational content i’d prefer to have on my blog, but it’s realistic and true to my style of writing. As much as i’d love (and hate) to have a post go viral for it’s moving message or stimulating story, the plain truth of it is that i still rely on thesauruses to stop my posts sounding like the memoirs of a 12 year old girl.
I digress, so i suppose i’m facing one of the biggest challenges i’m going to come across, and an old nemesis – lack of motivation (also known as “cba syndrome” or “idle-itis”).
This is sadly something i seem to suffer with a lot, and i’m sure a psychiatrist would just love to delve into the dark chasms of my mind and blame it all on being ridiculed infront of my Year 11 English class by Mrs Ceurstemont (old bint). HOWEVER, i’ve come to accept it as part of my personality – whether that be my “healthy” personality or my suspected Borderline Personality Disorder “crazy” personality. It affects most facets of my life; it’s probably the reason why i’m always late, part of the reason why i start projects and then quit them halfway through (the other reason is my ever changing mood and self image) and generally just causes me a lot of trouble. For example, if i’d put effort into everything i’ve tried, i probably could’ve been a straight A student in both school and college, definitely would’ve written a book or two by now and my flat wouldn’t currently need hoovering.
This is the part where, if this were a Buzzfeed post, i would now endow you (yep, used thesaurus.com for that one) with the epiphany or discovery i’d had that suddenly allows me to bypass my lazy, crazy ass and enables me to run at 100% productivity!!!!!…….
So no. I don’t have a magic answer for y’all. I’m still a demotivated couch potato who is TERRIBLE for ‘putting things off’.
But i can offer you the rules that i try to follow. I mean, you read this far so it’s not really fair of me to just end it on that note. I don’t do clickbait, i’m not a Youtuber.
- Don’t beat yourself up for longer than is necessary. Now i won’t turn around and say never beat yourself up over things, because sometimes what everybody needs is a good self pity session. It creates morality and just proves that you’re human and you care about the thing you didn’t complete. Give yourself a set amount of time (mine is usually a couple of days) to feel like shit, and once that time limit is up, plan what you’re going to do to resolve it.
- Choose someone to kick you up the backside. For me this is Tom (fiance). He’s not someone who suffers with a lack of motivation so he comes in handy for giving me that extra support. This doesn’t always go in the right direction as he is a pessimist, so we can sometimes both end up in a pit of despair. Fortunately he bounces back quickly and is generally ready and willing to help me wherever he can.
- Don’t give up. Blah blah yeah i know, vom at that overused and cringey line. “Never give up, keep calm and carry on” BLEUUUURRRGGGGHHHHH. I don’t mean it in that airy meaningless way. Genuinely, don’t give up. Keep persevering. I don’t care if you had a 3 year break from it, if it’s something you want to achieve, go back to it, try again, keep trying your absolute best. Everyone fails sometimes, it’s nothing to be ashamed of. Hell, i think i’ve failed at 99% of the things i wanted to do in life so far! Sure you might say i’m still young, but that doesn’t matter. It is irrelevant whether you’re reading this at 15 or 50, there will ALWAYS be somebody who started their “thing” later than you and were successful with it. I’m purposefully being vague about what this “thing” is because i want these tips to apply to as many people as possible, so don’t be reading this thinking “oh it doesn’t apply to me, she’s only talking about starting a business”… i’m not! If your “thing” or “it” is making your mental health better, so be it. It could be making a phone call or leaving the house or cleaning or a university essay or absolutely anything you want it to be.
That brings me onto my last tip..
- Make your mental and physical health a priority. The most important thing to you about yourself should be your health. I say ‘about yourself’ because i know many of you will have loved ones that you hold in higher regard than yourself, which is totally fine, but just realise that your health should come first in anything involving you as an individual. Sometimes it’s important to take a break from projects or dreams to give ourselves time to rest. Personally, i need a few days every so often where i literally just fester. I binge eat or don’t eat at all, i just stay on the sofa most of the time, i stay up late and i don’t both showering. For whatever reason, that helps. I feel more alive when i get clean again and it’s almost like a purge – getting all of the nasty brain-sickness out in one concentrated go. Find something that works for you and allow yourself that chance to escape.
Keep on going, and if in doubt, watch Ru Paul’s Drag Race. It’s a surefire way to feel better.