Body Positive · health · teen · teenage · teenager · twenties

Birth control: is it really worth it?

Disclaimer: this is going to get a teency bit explicit so if you’re a family member or somebody whom is entirely uninterested/disgusted by other people’s sex lives, please stop reading now!

I’m starting this blog off on a bit of a strange one!
I know i know, you’re thinking “Lora, you’re always strange with your blogs?”
But seriously, it’s odd even for me, but also kind of necessary for this short story to make sense.

In 2011-2012, i was a lesbian. I broke up with my boyfriend (let’s call him B) just after New Years because – i’ll be honest – i wasn’t enjoying the sexual side of things. B tried his best and i don’t have any ill feelings to him about it, nor do i want to make him feel embarrassed! We were both pretty inexperienced and young, but even taking that into consideration….it juuuust…wasn’t working. Bits were not finding their way into other bits correctly and i – as a teenage girl – assumed it was something wrong with my body and became adamant that i wasn’t suited to heterosexual sex, and therefore must be a lesbian.

Obbbbviously it was also partially due to my growing lack of patience for boys. As we all know, teenage boys can be prone to being quite immature and none i’d met were looking for anything serious. Teenage and early-20’s girls however, were slightly more grown up.

So i told everyone i was gay and that was that. I had a couple of homosexual relations, the longest lasting 8 months.
Don’t get me wrong, i never pretended that i was going to be a lesbian forever. I knew that it was likely that one day i would decide to give heterosexual relations another go, but for the time being i was happy to identify as a lover of women.

Flash forward to September 2012, i spent a week with friends getting astonishingly drunk, slept with one of my guy friends and boom! Realised i definitely wasn’t gay, i just hadn’t clicked properly with anyone sexually!

A month or two later and i was dating another guy friend (let’s call him S). It had developed into a proper relationship and i stayed over either at his house or a friend’s with him around once a week. It was at the point where i realised i needed some kind of semi permanent birth control. With B, we had used condoms whenever we fooled around but i’d never gotten on well with them.

I decided to visit the nurse at my GP surgery and chat about some contraceptive options!
Being the lazy soul i am, i knew i didn’t want to travel to the hospital for the implant, and i had been put off the Pill by my step-sister’s weight gain and skin troubles, so it really only left me with the Depo-Provera injection (click the link for more information).
I was given a leaflet explaining the side effects and possible complications. The biggest worry was the risk of bone thinning. I was told that this wouldn’t be an issue for me in the immediate future, so i signed up and booked in for the following week.

The first shock was that i walked into my appointment expecting to be injected into my arm, only to be told to remove my leggings!
My surgery was a 10 minute walk from my house and it was weird as hell walking back. My entire leg ached, especially around the injection site on my butt, and i’m pretty sure i was waddling.

A couple of weeks later and i was a mess. My skin was the worst it had ever been – covered with huge, painful spots. But the mood swings were the worst.
I’m not sure whether i would’ve been diagnosed with BPD back then, but i suffered with mood swings even before the injection. The Depo-Provera just transformed me into a crazy, illogical, angry girl who was utterly miserable and managed to destroy her relationship, thus ending the entire reason for getting contraception in the first place.

I had the injection once more before accidentally ending it. Basically i went in to check when my next appointment was and found out it should’ve been about 2 months ago! Time management in my personal life isn’t a skill i possess.

And so that was the last time i dabbled with hormone based contraceptives!
In my following relationships, we used condoms, and currently i don’t use anything!
I know what you’re thinking, i must be crazy or trying to get pregnant. I’m neither of those. Okay… i am crazy… but the point still stands.

Currently i track my cycle using the Fertility Awareness Method, have educated myself on when it is unsafe to have sex and work with those limits. This isn’t something i would recommend for everyone to start doing, i’ve been tracking it since 2015 and i’m happy that i know it well enough to judge safely and correctly. It’s more than just knowing your cycle length, you check cervical mucus and temperature. I’ll be honest with you, i don’t check my temperature! I’m lazy and i rely on the fact that i can tell most months when i’m ovulating. Ovulating causes me a small amount of easily identifiable pain, and when i check it against where i am in my cycle, i usually find that i’m spot on for my estimated ovulation day or a day either side of it.
However i’m not advocating this and if you want to be safe, learn how to do this properly and take temperatures too!

I use the Clue app to track my cycle, though i believe there is a certified contraceptive app.

For me, hormone based contraceptives definitely aren’t worth it. Fortunately i’ve heard countless success stories for the implant, the coil, the Pill, for every contraceptive you can imagine. The important thing is to find what works for you. Test things out, educate yourself and hear the opinions of others. The internet is a wonderful library – use it for something informative!

If you’re willing, share your favoured method of contraception and why in the comments below!

L x

left wing · politics · rant

Why do Youtubers suck?

I don’t know whether it’s my recent binge-watching of Black Mirror, or just general disdain for society as a whole, but lately i’ve been feeling a lot of negative emotions about “the middle class”. I’m not talking your regular, well off, working families; i have zero qualms with anybody doing well for themselves with good pure hard work (or luck for being born into it). 

It’s more about those of “celebrity” status. Anybody who sells out, or refuses to give an opinion on topics that genuinely require debate. The people who only speak out about events that ALREADY have 99% of the public against it (i.e natural disasters, terrorism).

There’s a serious lack of “big” Youtubers who are willing to share their true thoughts. You know what i’d really love? I’d love Joe Sugg to come out and say he absolutely despises the Tories because they’re all self interested asswipes, or for Shay Carl to just be fucking honest about cheating on his missus and his alcoholism (and the fact that he’s into Scientology…biggest bunch of idiots in the 21st century).

I know you’re probably thinking “hey, Lora! That’s not fair! _______ always tells the brutal truth in their videos”. 
I’m sure there are those who do, but that’s not the only thing that irritates me.

I’ve always said that were i to ever become suddenly a part of pop culture (i haven’t been popular since Year 5), i wouldn’t sell out. I wouldn’t become a mouthpiece of corporate businesses trying to sell tat to 14 year olds (well hopefully there aren’t any 14 year olds that read my blog anyway because i can be a little crass!). 
I’d want my fans (aka my Mum and Tom) to trust me, to believe that i would tell as much truth as possible. That’s why i’m brutal on here at times. Don’t get me wrong, i don’t hate Youtube stars. I think it’s wonderful that people are able to make money from making their own content – it’s like the ability to be an actor without the stress or expense of acting school and auditions and rehearsals etc etc blah blah blah.
I love some Youtubers, hence why i’ve literally just made a list of my favourites!
But i know how impressionable i was at 12 or 13. I was confident as heck in my head, i think bordering on narcissistic. Despite this, i still cared about what particular people thought and were interested in, and whatever they had and liked, i wanted too. It’s natural, kids copy each other, adults, celebs, everyone!

This brings me to another thing that grinds my gears.
Moolah.
Wonga.
Money.
For some bizarre reason, certain “social media personalities” seem to have entered an alternative universe where teenagers have more than £10. Personally, i didn’t even have pocket money until i was 15 and i didn’t have a job until i was 17!
It’s wonderful that your business has worked and now you’ve got tons of spare dolla’, but spare a thought for your target audience. Remember that poverty still exists in the UK and that our government is cutting benefits as we speak. Some still struggle with unemployment, or minimum wage that barely gets them to the end of the month. Not everyone can afford £70 on Charlotte Tilbury moisturiser.

Also i don’t know who the HELL Charlotte Tilbury is or where she’s come from in the past couple of years, but why the fuck are her products so expensive??? I mean i thought Urban Decay was bad enough for charging me £28 just to not look like i’ve contracted chicken pox from Rudolph the Reindeer!
I hope she delivers it herself for that price!

Black Mirror is DEFINITELY contributing to this but whenever i see a Youtuber or Blogger or Instagrammer promoting some random-ass waist trainer or protein shake, i can’t help but wonder if there’s some huge conspiracy to feed us watered down, shitty content to keep our brains entertained but numb, all the while there’s something more sinister happening while our backs are turned.
Like “yo here’s a ‘top 10 greatest eyebrows of 2017’ don’t mind us we’re just gonna pass a law allowing us to spy on you lol brb.”
With Trump as president, it wouldn’t surprise me.

L x

 

ramble

When he’s gone

It’s a taste of a life i don’t want.
An undiluted self.
Acrid with paranoia.

The most terrifying thing about being with the love of your life is the thought of losing them.

There isn’t a single part of me that thinks he would ever purposefully leave me.
I’m over that worry.
Mostly it’s that he’ll be in an accident, or one of those freak occurrences you read about in real life magazines where somebody just drops down dead.

I can’t begin to imagine that pain. Just the thought of it is enough to send me into floods of tears.
Tonight for example, i watched the “Be Right Back” Black Mirror episode and ended up crying. (Thanks everyone for not warning me about that one! Talk about hitting my biggest fears on the head)

Writing, fortunately, is cathartic.

It’s only the first night and now i’ve calmed down a little, i feel pretty pathetic (and that’s saying something). I’m glad i’m seeing my Mum tomorrow night though, at least i won’t have to sit in an empty house all evening.
I know i have the rats and i did get them out to play but it’s just not the same.
I wish we could get a dog. Or a baby.
The latter is probably a little more than we could handle right now though.
(And we don’t have the room for a doggo).

RIGHT. Note to self, research Black Mirror episodes beforehand.

Time to watch “50 of the Best Reads on Ru Paul’s Drag Race”, an episode or 2 of Friends and then go to friggin’ sleep.

L x

lora's favourites

Lora’s Favourites: Youtubers UPDATED

Now i know i’ve already used Youtubers in my favourites series before. It’s glaringly obvious seeing as i think i’ve only done 3 actual favourites since starting it either last year or the year before..

BUT my taste has changed somewhat and i felt it was time to update.
Youtube and Instagram are really the only social media i use to follow people. I’ve never really got the hype with Twitter and i tend to use it for arguing with strangers and complaining to Asda for selling me a out of date Camembert.

So without further adieu, here’s my top 8 Youtubers of 2018 (because i couldn’t think of anymore i currently love)..

 

  1. WhispersRed ASMR – In 2017 i discovered my love for ASMR. WhispersRed ASMR is by far my favourite. She has a wonderful, motherly feel to her videos, even my own Mum said so!
    ASMR-Video-WhispersRedASMR
  2. Sprinkleofglitter – Over the past year, i’ve found myself straying away from the big UK Youtube names. The exception to this are Zoella’s vlogmas and Sprinkleofglitter. It could be something to do with her being pregnant and my constant baby fever, but i can’t get enough of Louise recently.
    Sprinkleofglitter
  3. JaackMaate – I recently discovered Jack via Facebook when he ripped Zoella’s advent calendar to shreds. Kudos to him because it was hilaaaarious. Now i love Zoe Sugg, but i’m not afraid to admit when i think she’s been a fucking idiot. Neither is JaackMaate.
    JaackMaate
  4. Kiera Rose – A repeat from last time! I’ve followed Kiera for around 4-5 years (back when she was still Scarlet Saint). It’s great to see her growth as a person, as well as her tattoo additions and hair changes. I fell in love all over again when she added ratties to her family, but unfortunately they’ve passed and she isn’t getting anymore for the forseeable.
    Kiera-Rose
  5. ASMR Darling – The first “ASMRtist” i discovered after deciding to check out the weird and wonderful world of ASMR! She’s one of the most popular with over 1mil subs (a big thing in this category!) and is just always a lovely person to watch. She does the best tapping videos.
    ASMR Darling
  6. Heather Feather ASMR – My favourite binaural ASMR Youtuber. I love when she just uses her voice with no visual stimuli and walks around the mic. Literally feels like she’s walking around your head.
    Heather Feather
  7. Georgia Productions – I actually found Georgia from a recommendation by ThatcherJoe. Despite her young age, her videos are hilarious and she’s destined to become the next big Youtube star.
    Georgia Productions
  8. sWooZie – How i didn’t include sWooZie last time i’ll never know! A favourite for years since finding his Confessions of a Disney Employee series. An amazingly creative and original Youtuber, seemingly down to earth and a fab animator. I also lowkey have a crush on him lmao hit me up Adande.
    swoozie

Who are your favourite Youtubers? Do you prefer the mainstream or discovering new talent?
Let me know in the comments!

 

L x

blogging

Liebster Award 2018

Liesbster 3

I started this blog in a very dark place in 2015, looking for somewhere to escape.
I’d originally meant to keep it to positive posts only, mainly body positivity. Y’know, the kind of stuff i was cool with sharing on Facebook for any bugger to read.

I won’t say that plan got scrapped……………okay….yeah..it got scrapped. Ripped to pieces by my melancholy soul and unbearable need to overshare.
I guess i did something right as there’s somehow over 70 of you! That’s certainly not going to win any awards for “biggest blog” or “top blogger 2018” but i’m honestly still pretty shook anybody reads this (besides my Mum and Tom, hi you two!)

Aaaaand on the topic of awards, the lovely theeverydayalternative has nominated me for the 2018 Liebster Award! Huge thanks and i can recommend checking out her blog, especially for those fans of goth subculture and alternative music.

I’ll be as honest as i always am on here – i didn’t have a bloody clue what the award was until i checked out this page.  It explains it in some detail for anyone equally as clueless, but here’s the rules for those “tl;dr” folk:

  1. Thank the person who nominated you, and put a link to their blog on your blog.
  1. Display the award on your blog
  1. Write a small post about what makes you passionate about blog posting.
  1. Answer the 10 questions about yourself.
  1. Nominate 5-11 blogs and come up with 10 questions for them.
  1. List these rules in your post
  1. Inform the people/blogs that you nominated

 

First two are done, onto the third! This is pretty easy, i’ve always been open to the point of being in-your-face with my private life and sensitive issues. It’s probably linked to my lack of self identity, so half the time it feels like i’m talking objectively about another person. Anyway, my blog soon became a place i could share anything without the worries of telling another person. My words were available to be read if someone wished to do so, but they didn’t have to deal with me one-on-one. I started off using it as a diary – useful because i can type nearly as fast as i can think but my handwriting is very slow and messy.
As the time passed and i gained more readers, it gave me confidence and a sense of support. It didn’t matter that most of you never interact with me, just your presence was enough to keep my going through the worst of my writer’s block, where all i could manage was a 200 word babble in the entire month.
Now i can look back on the past 3 years in more detail that i’ve been able to for years. I have proof of my moods and events i may have forgotten about. My yearly roundups are mostly for my own benefit, so i can recall what happened in which year. This is especially helpful since i’ve started struggling with memory problems.
It’s also helped just getting my words out of my brain. Putting them on paper (laptop) and posting them to the world is like drawing poison out of a wound. Before i started toolazytobegoth, i shut everybody out and repressed everything. Flash forward a couple of years and i was having panic attacks, self harming again after 5 years free and living without inhibitions (drinking excessively, unprotected sex etc), surprise surprise!
Overall, i think blogging is a wonderful medium. I really do believe it’s saved me from spiralling on several occasions.

RIGHT i’ve rambled on quite enough. Onto my questions!

  1. If you could travel anywhere in the world where would you go?
    Oooo difficult, i’d say at the moment, Disney World. Not very inventive i know i know! I have my reasons. Tom and i want to go before we settle down and start having sproglets. I don’t want to be lugging a pram about or having to sit on bastard “It’s A Small World”. At least not until we’ve been by ourselves once.
  2. If you could visit a fantasy land from one of your favourite films, TV shows or books where would you pick?
    Oh easy! Definitely Hogwarts/the AU of Harry Potter! I love GOT but noooo thankyou to being murdered/abused/married off. I’d be able to Avada Kedavra anyone that tried that in HP world.
  3. What food do you crave most often?
    Hmmmmm probably chocolate! I have a sweet tooth but you can guarantee whatever we have in the house, be it savoury or sweet, i’ll be craving the opposite. If we have both, i’ll want sour.
  4. What job would you be absolutely terrible at?
    Engineering! I was discussing this with Tom on our way home today. I’m not mechanically or mathematically minded so i’d last approximately 10 minutes before apologising for being too stupid and leaving.
  5. What is your favourite ice cream flavour?
    If we’re talking Ben and Jerry’s, Phish Food! Regular standard flavours, mint choc chip is my go-to. I try and steer clear of anything with fancy colouring, my stomach already hates me!
  6. What would you do in a zombie apocalypse?
    TERRIBLE! My only hope would be finding somewhere good to hide, and then my dumb ass would probably get claustrophobic and i’d leave.
  7. What song would you pay money to never hear again?
    Thnks Fr Th Mmrs – Fall Out Boy. It’s been my alarm tone for over 4 years and i now hate it.
  8. Is there a quote you strive to live by?
    My favourite quote i have tattooed is “It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live”. Wise words from Dumbledore! Another recent favourite is “I figured out it was a social thing, what women were allowed to do. At a very young age, I decided I was not going to follow women’s rules.” I can’t remember the author of that one i’m afraid!
  9. Would you rather be able to fly or turn invisible?
    Definitely turn invisible! Flying is cool but you’d have to contend with geese and i’d probably get attacked by a seagull or something equally as ridiculous. Being invisible would mean you could sneak into any gig or event, or if you’re as perverted as myself, attempt to catch a glimpse of your crush naked (obviously i’m not speaking about Tom here, i can see him naked any old time! 😉 I’m not sure where Jason Momoa lives but i’m sure i could find out….)
  10. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be?
    An interesting one! Probably “are you happy?”
    That’s all i’d want to know.

 

Right then, my nominees are as followsssss…….

Rusti Rose
The Bipolar Writer
Mermaidmoonchild
Biff Sock Pow
Ophelia’s
Just A Small Town Girl
Weird Brown Girl

Here’s the 10 questions i’ve created for you:

  1. What is the minimum amount of compensation (financial) you would accept in return for getting my face tattooed on your leg?
  2. What is the most unusual animal you would love to own as a pet?
  3. Which celebrity are you most likely to murder, given the opportunity?
  4. How many baked potatoes could you eat if you were really hungry?
  5. What is your favourite piece of modern technology and why?
  6. Who would you swap lives with, “Freaky-Friday style”, for 48 hours?
  7. When did you first try alcohol and what happened?
  8. What is your slightly-impressive-but-ultimately-useless party trick?
  9. Why do you believe Trump managed to get elected?
  10. If you won £1mil/$1mil but you had to spend it all within 7 days and only on yourself (no giving it away), how would you do it?

Looking forward to reading your answers! I’ll try and get in contact with y’all to let you know you’ve been nominated, but i’ve tagged your blogs on here anyway.

Night everyone

L x

ramble · reflecting · reflection · twenties · Uncategorized

2017

It’s that time of year again! Here is my 3rd yearly summary.

 

I moved shops AGAIN. I subsequently quit Sainsbury’s because my boss was a misogynistic, bullying asshat. I got a job at Home Bargains. I quit said job. I worked at Boots for a month. I lost said job. I started my own business. I became officially self employed in October. I went to Majorca. I got engaged on a beach. I got food poisoning from a milkshake. I scowled at children. I went to Cyprus. I went quad biking through the Cypriot wilderness. I went for a sunset hack with my fiance and some family members. I failed my theory on the first time. I passed on the second time. I passed my practical driving test first time with 4 minors. I realised just how expensive running a car is. I had my battery replaced. I blew my first tyre and had to be rescued by Tom’s brother in law. I replaced 2 tyres. I ate most of an entire box of Celebrations. I realised i had Borderline Personality Disorder. I finally saw a Doctor. I went on a psychoeducation course. I went to Alton Towers twice…again! I did the scaremazes…again! I went to Scarborough on Boxing Day. I gave Tom pneumonia. We went to Blackpool….it was dead. I built my first ever Gingerbread house. I saw a Panda for the first time. I visited Scotland for the first time. I lost 3 rats. I dyed my hair ginger. I dyed my hair red. I dyed my hair bright pink/purple. I saw my childhood best friend whom i hadn’t seen for around 5 years. Tom and i had an engagement party. I failed at making a speech. My Grandma passed away. I turned 24. Both Tom and i were ill for it. I got conjunctivitis twice. I got ear infections twice. Tom got diagnosed with psoriatic arthritis after injuring his knee. We were scared for months. Our relationship was tested financially, emotionally, mentally and physically. We realised that nothing will break us. A cat adopted us. We named her Sausage. She gave us fleas. It took us a month to get rid of all the fleas. We adopted 3 girl rats. We adopted 2 boy rats. I wore latex for the first time. We saw Pete Tong again. We visited Manchester’s gay village and were unimpressed.

 

In terms of events, it’s been a massive year to be honest! I won’t pretend it’s been fantastic. Obviously the highlight was getting engaged, as well as our two holidays we were lucky enough to go on, but financially it’s been a huge struggle, especially with my mental health deteriorating.

I’m feeling so much more positive about next year. I’ve got a 6 week anxiety management course starting on the 10th of January. We’ve now acquired some money we’re going to use for the wedding. We’re looking at applying for a mortgage in a few months. I just need my business to pick up after the Christmas lull and we’ll be on our way up!

Thanks for sticking with me this year. I can’t imagine it’s always easy nor enjoyable to read the drivel i come out with sometimes. I appreciate anybody who uses just a moment of their valuable time to check out this blog – i love you all and i hope for a fantastic 2018 for everyone.

L x

ramble · twenties

New Years Resolutions – 2018

Surprisingly i managed to tick off a number of last year’s resolutions! I learnt to drive, i went on holiday (twice) and even changed jobs (3 times).

On the back of this success, i thought i’d write some for 2018.

 

  1. Move house – This was a 2017 resolution but one we failed at. We’re looking at applying for a mortgage in possibly February and taking it from there. Even if we get rejected we’re gonna’ rent somewhere bigger.
  2. Start wedding planning – We now officially have wedding savings (hurrah!) but we’re still unsure if we’ll be getting married in 2019. Even if we don’t, we can start to contact vendors.
  3. Buy a new car – My speedy little Peugeot will sadly be replaced by something with more boot space for the pooches. I ought to get a van, but i might look at an estate instead. Driving around in a van for my “normal car” doesn’t sound particularly exciting.
  4. Grow Critter Care – I need to get my shit together with my business. I need more advertising, branded workwear, better walking boots etc. Also need to sit down and write a business plan for where i want to be by 2019.
  5. Get more tattoos – I’m already fulfilling this on the 6th 😉 but my legs definitely have plenty of room for more.

 

What are your resolutions? Do you ever stick to them?

L x