ramble

V Day and Weddings

I guess Valentines day is something i’ve never really gotten.

I get the whole wanting to do something nice for your partner or showing them you care about them, but why do some people only do those things on that one day?
Speaking only for myself, i try to do something nice whenever i have the opportunity. Buying gifts for other people genuinely makes me happier than buying things for myself! You don’t get that weird guilt that lingers when you “treat yo’self”.

So i spent today hanging out with Mum – we went to the cinema to see Lion and cried. Standard us.
We got lots of opportunities to have proper chats about the future, and Tom joined in when he got home from work. He cooked up a really good red thai curry and when Mum went home, we watched Breaking Bad.

It’s weird because even though i know Tom and i won’t get married for years yet, it’s so fulfilling to make up imaginary scenes in my head and pretend-online-shop for decorations and bridesmaid dresses. Like its just a big game to me. And i don’t mind if none of these plans actually happen, the enjoyment comes out of the planning.

We officially have “the plan” now. Only short term – it’s specifically our plan on how we’re going to buy a house. It means the next year might not be amazing and we’ll have to cope with being a little cramped in this flat but it’s comfortable here, the flat itself is nice and the only downside is that it isn’t big enough to fit all my possessions in (bearing in mind i only have about 1/4 of my things at Janine’s, the rest is in storage and has been since 2012).
I’m thinking i’ll just have to pay for a storage container and bung it all in there, or sell and chuck when i don’t want.

My heart aches for the person i was in 2015, i wish i could tell her where she’d be in just a couple of years time. Owning my own house isn’t something i’ve ever thought to be an option. Neither of my parents did until very recently and i guess i just didn’t think i’d find someone i wanted to be with forever.

I know people might scoff at me or roll their eyes because of how i talk about Tom. I get it, it’s sappy and might seem naive of me because we’ve only been together just under 8 months, but i’m honestly still as in love with him as ever. My feelings haven’t changed one bit. I still stare at him sometimes and want to squish his face until it pops because i love him so much (don’t worry i’ll resist that one!)
The only difficult situations we’ve had are ones down to one of us taking something personally when that wasn’t intended, or our emotional issues (my lack of and his anger).

I don’t know whether it’s because the stress of Christmas is over, or that we’re fast approaching March but i’m feeling a lot lighter. I still have mood swings all day every day but they’re weaker and easier to control.

Maybe it is Spring’s near arrival, maybe it’s because i’m just becoming more settled and less worried about him not coping with my bad side. Whatever it is, i’m feeling more confident about how 2017 will turn out.

L x

 

 

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