ramble · Uncategorized

Distance

So i haven’t wrote on here for nearly a month!
In my defence, i’ve been quite busy with holidays and work and days out.
It’s been a good couple of months.

Today, however, has been a day of struggling with feelings.
I saw a post shared on Facebook earlier that had illustrations depicting somebody who didn’t feel emotions and instead bounced off of other peoples’ energies.
It struck a chord.

Thinking back, i think being relatively emotionless has been a part of my life for as long as i remember.
I had some small traumatic periods in my childhood that i can link to being the reason i feel anxiety over odd things and also part of the reason i have OCD (the other part being it can be hereditary and my Mum has it). It makes sense that it’s also the cause of my “coldness”.

In stressful situations, my mind and body completely shut down. It’s one of my coping mechanisms and probably my healthiest.
Unfortunately it doesn’t really work well with a lot of people i’ve dated.
For whatever reason, i’ve always inexplicably found myself dating people with anger issues. The two angriest i’ve dated didn’t react well to my zombie mode. Usually i had threats to my person or things thrown at me/near me.

…i got distracted and just came back to this post after an hour.
Can’t think of how to conclude.
Oops.

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