20s · feminism · ramble · reflecting · self love · sex · twenties

On being broody and not wanting kids (yet)

I shouldn’t have to apologise for being broody. No one should. My body is designed to carry small humans, it’s designed to bring them into this world, to feed them. My body wants to have babies. It reminds my mind of this by pushing up my sex drive. It punishes me for staying childless by ripping out the inside of my organs for 4 days.

My parents have started to mention babies. I was at my Nanny’s the other week and she was cooing over next door’s little girl, sighed and said under her breath “I wonder if I’ll get to meet my great-grandchildren.” I spluttered orange juice everywhere and laughed a lot. She then went on to tell me that she’d recently had a dream about me having a boy, which is when I told her to stop right there.

Last weekend I saw Dad and told him the story. He laughed too, and then told me that he thinks I’ll have a boy too and he hopes so because he wants to play with Tonka toys and Scaletrix. I walked away from him and changed the subject.

My brain does not want children – not anytime soon anyway. I’m only in my early 20’s, I enjoy getting so drunk that I can’t stand. I hate being tied down by anyone who won’t/can’t walk by my side. I want to stay in bed until 2pm on my days off. I adore being reckless and stupid.

I’m sure I’m not alone in feeling like this. Hormones play a huge part of course, infact they’re probably to blame for 99% of my fawning-over-cute-baby-clothes type moments. Being broody is not something I can prevent, nor escape. My mind and my body are two completely seperate entities and I have to float somewhere in the middle.

Somewhere along the line, I’ve felt the pressure to apologise for my feelings. I’m not sure which group of people it stems from, but I’ve concluded that it’s probably from guys who are oh-so-often terrified at the thought of getting somebody pregnant. And so everyone I’ve ever told about this, I’ve made excuses or lied to.

 

Fuck it. I shouldn’t feel pressured to apologise for things out of my control. It’s perfectly natural to both want and hate children….right?

Advertisements

One thought on “On being broody and not wanting kids (yet)

  1. Trust me, I’m with you! I’m even older than you and I still can’t imagine it yet. We daily talk about having kids and how we’d raise them, but we have so much traveling, drinking, and screwing off to do that it’s just not in our plan right now.

    We want to enjoy being married first; too many people rush into having kids without making sure their marriage even works. We understand that we’re getting older and know my womb’s time is running out, so we’ve agreed that instead of rushing, we’ll adopt if it’s ever ‘too late.’ Don’t feel pressured if you’re not ready, YOU’RE going to be the one up at 4am, not sleeping, and wiping up someone else’s shit, not the people bugging you. It’s YOUR life, love! Keep enjoying it!

    -Ophelia
    https://thoughtswithdildo.wordpress.com

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s