20s · ramble · twenties

Tired ramblings about being nearly 22

I don’t really know what this post is going to include. It’s 3:15am and i’m laid in the dark telling myself to put down my laptop and go to sleep because i want to be a good adult and get up at 9am for breakfast and a shower. In reality i’ll probably drag my ass out of bed at midday, quickly jump in the shower and sit eating coco pops in a towel while i watch Youtube videos until Jack finishes work at 2.

It’s still a weird concept to think of my self as an adult. There’s people my age with two kids and i’m still shocked that i manage to feed myself. I still haven’t got the hang of ironing though. Thank merlin my work clothes are the material that don’t need ironing (although technically my trousers should be ironed and my boss mentions this regularly…).

When i was a kid, i thought people in the 20s had their shit together. I thought they were REAL adults with mortgages and jobs and starting to have kids and cars and dogs. I didn’t realise that being in your 20s meant trying to find cheap flats, counting your pennies in the run-up to payday to see if you can afford a takeaway and despite being constantly skint, you never stop working.

The thing that annoys me the most though is that they don’t teach you this in school. School doesn’t think you’ll need to know how to fill in tax forms or apply for credit cards or get a mortgage. But clearly all that pythagorus theorem has really helped me progress forward with my life…

It’s not all bad though. There’s the freedom. That’s one of the best bits about being over 18. The knowledge that i can go anywhere i want to (providing i have the funds) is fantastic. Although of course i spend most of my time in bed watching old Pokemon and DBZ episodes on Netflix/other streaming sites.
And the lack of restrictions on what you can buy/see in a cinema.
And i think that’s probably all of the plus points to be honest.

I’m existentially terrified of wasting my life so i’m trying to actually do things and reach milestones in my 20s. I spent my teenage years scared and depressed and i want the next 8 years (because i’m 22 this year) to be a hell’uva load better. Finally i’ve stopped panicking so much about commitment to people and things and i’m looking forward to kids and marriage and being in a job for 40 years and other crap. I can start to relax and enjoy the way my life is going.

The next hurdle to overcome is getting over my fear of getting older! Yeah…that one may take some more time.

Lora x


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