childhood · china gendercide · gendercide · its a girl · netflix · reflecting · reflection

Reflecting on my childhood

Today i watched “It’s A Girl” which was a very thought provoking documentary about gendercide in India and China that i would definitely recommend. It’s currently on american Netflix if you’re able to access that and is around an hour long.
It reminded me of why i call myself a feminist and why feminism is so important.

And for some reason, i reflected on my own life.
I feel privileged to have grown up in a wealthy country where the state was able to provide should my parents fail. We certainly weren’t in danger of starving, but we went without luxuries. Our fridge usually had at least the bare essentials, but beans on toast and microwaveable chips were common meals in my household in the 90’s. The first place i lived was a hostel, and i’ve moved more times than i can keep count of.
When my Mum got married, we always had lots of food in, food we’d never had before. Chocolate and crisps and sweets and fizzy pop and cakes. Unsurprisingly i ended up gaining a fair bit of weight that i’ve never really been able to shift. The difference between myself at 7 and myself at 10 is quite noticeable. I imagine that’s probably the underlying reason for why i binge eat.

There are other things about my childhood that i am too afraid and upset by to write down. I don’t know if i’ll ever write them down. Probably not on the internet.
I promised myself so much when i was a child. That i would get out of certain situations and i’m still in them as an adult, although not to the same extent. I could cry for my terrified 6 year old self. I’m getting teary eyed now just writing this down. I know so many others had it much worse off than i did but i am completely determined to make sure that any children i have will have a childhood nothing like my anxious, frightened one.

I realise i’ve just rambled and haven’t really made a point to this post, but sometimes getting the thoughts out of my brain and onto paper (or a laptop in this case) lessens the weight of them.

Please, if you want to discuss anything with me then feel free. Get your thoughts and anger and fear out. Tell me about the best times in your life or the worst! I’m here to listen.

Lora.

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