So this evening i’ve been thinking a lot about marriage and what it entails.
Rather appropriately, “What Is Love – Haddaway” just came on shuffle on Spotify!
I’ve followed the Shaytards (Shay Carl, Colette and their kids made daily videos for Youtube) for a couple of years, and although i didn’t really enjoy some aspects of their life (they’re Mormons and speak about religion/religious things fairly regularly), i liked their content! They always made these HUGE videos over Christmas, like an hour long, and you saw all the presents the kids got and it was just something i found quite satisfying to watch – at least while i was ignoring my underlying anger that some people have the world while others get nothing.
Their family unit always seemed pretty tight knit. It was obviously that Shay and Colette were madly in love, having been together for around 15 years i believe. They made enough money from Youtube and their other companies to not bother with “a real job” and had a beautiful house and always had tons of great looking food and their videos had a homey and comforting feel to them.
It was quite a shock to everybody who followed their lives when it was revealed early this year that Shay had been cheating, sexting a cam girl and apparently had met up with her (unsure if it’s confirmed that they actually met). They disappeared from social media for a few months and then Colette made a heartbreaking video talking about how she was learning forgiveness and the whole thing seemed very forced and not like she was speaking from her heart, but kudos to her for publicly mentioning her husband’s betrayal. At the end of the day, she doesn’t owe anybody her honest thoughts.
Shay made an apology video a while back and blamed his alcoholism for his bad decisions and the problems his family had been having.
I mean……i’m not in anyway saying alcoholism isn’t an absolute atrocious thing to have to go through – i can’t even imagine how hard to must be to have an addiction like that.
It just felt a little….like he was pushing responsibility off himself and blaming his demons. Dude, you being drunken and depressed may have been a factor, but at the end of the day you still actively chose to send those texts. It wasn’t a drunken 5 minute fumble in a club, or a quick kiss. Even though those are both physical, i think they would’ve been so much more excusable. Those messages were EXPLICIT and you went into great detail about exactly what you would like to do to that woman.
He was also messaging her for 3 months.
3 months? Jesus fuckin’ Christ.
So i know this was an incredibly long winded way to open up this post, but it’s something i’ve been pondering for a while.
This evening i told myself (in my brain, not outloud) that i would be with Tom forever.
I told myself that he is going to be the only person i will ever marry. He will be the only person i ever share a bed with (except kids), and we’ll share that bed until one of us dies. I’m going to see his face nearly every single day until the very end.
I can’t say it was the most sensible way to phrase things to myself. My first reaction was from the crutch i’ve always relied on – pushing people away. I tensed and thought “oh shit, that sounds terrifying!!!”. I mean, it is really! There’s been a spate of people i have on social media who have gotten divorced or have split with long term partners they planned to spend forever with and it’s gotten me a little nervous. What if they thought their partner was forever, like i do? What if they loved them as much as i love Tom??
The second reaction was the other side of me. She’s more of a romantic and more sure of herself. Together we KNOW that Tom and i will be together for however long forever lasts. She’s also hella’ protective/possessive (aka sometimes a biiiiiiit psycho) and will silently plot your murder if you chat him up. I’m not talking “looking at him across the bar”, we’re not that mental. I take no pleasure in describing myself as a psycho partner, nor have i ever understood why you would want to be one, i just mean that the only girl he’s gonna’ be buying drinks for are me and his Momma so y’all better back the fuck off.
Tom and i have spoken a couple of times about the concept of soulmates. Neither of us believes there’s one person out there for everybody, we both think there’s many people out there but some relationships will take more work than others. I don’t think we’re 100% in sync because there’s some things we differ on, we have interests that clash and we have disagreements, just like any normal healthy relationship, and to be honest, i wouldn’t change a single thing; i love him and our relationship exactly the way he/it is. So I mean heck, there might even be a girl out there more perfectly suited to him than i am, but commitment and marriage isn’t about that.
It’s about falling in love with somebody, having the ability to make that relationship work regardless of the situations you get in and making that truthful commitment to be together forever.
I don’t care if an utterly out-of-worldly-level-of-perfect gorgeous guy comes along now and tries to sweep me off my feet. It doesn’t matter anymore.
Tom has my heart, now and always, and i will want to be with him forever.
Sorry Jason Momoa! Maybe in my next life 😉